A Dogs View of Obedience Classes

[John Thomson]

Obedience letter - the dog's view of obedience.

Dear Blitz,

My owner and I go to obedience class every week. He acts like we are
going to go somewhere fun and then when we get to class, I
can't wrestle with my friends or sniff or anything. What is the
point? I know how to do it. I didn't mind this when I was a puppy,
but now I am six months old. What can I do?

Signed (Pawed):
Frustrated in Florida

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Dear Frustrated,

You are completely missing the point of obedience class.
Obedience is not supposed to be fun and games. It is an important
tool to ensure that your owner does his most basic function: giving
you treats. Treats are the reason that early dogs first agreed to
share a cave with humans. (Treats and thunder of course.) The way
to best guarantee the frequent dispersal of treats is to never
respond to any of your owner's requests too regularly. The optimum
response percentage has been tested in our labs to be between 30% and
60%.

If you respond less than 30% your owner may decide that you are
deaf, which will result in your visiting the vet. At the vet you may
get shots and will usually have your temperature taken. Why risk it?

If you respond more than 60% of the time, your owner will expect
your response rate to increase in the future. The logical extension
of that pattern is the dog who has to leap through flaming hoops to
get a piece of liver. There are better ways for a dog to make a
living.

Note that I am saying response, not obedience. Response does not
mean that you should drop everything to cater to your owner's whims.
This results in a spoiled owner. For example, if your owner calls you
to him, you should first look at him to see if he has a treat. If he
has no treat in his hand, then just sit there. Then look at all of
the intervening space between the two of you. This shows him that you
are aware of how much effort it will take to honor his request. After
looking around, go back to whatever you were doing. Do not watch your
owner. At this point they begin to wonder if you will ever come.
When it appears that he is about to give up, start to walk toward
him. Halfway to your owner you should stop, sit, and scratch your
neck vigorously. This reminds him that you had things to do before he
interrupted you. When you are finished scratching, walk slowly to him
with your head hanging low to demonstrate how tired you are of his
ceaseless demands.

You can sit in front of him and if he reaches down to pet you,
quickly lie down before he can touch you. If he then tries to get
into a heeling position (you know, where he has to keep his legs even
with your shoulder) look up at him and roll over on your back. This
shows that you forgive him for being so selfish.

If your owner has a treat, a slightly different response is in
order. When he calls you, look at him. If you see a treat run as fast
as you can to him. Just before you hit him, turn your shoulder so
that you don't hurt yourself and try to connect with his knees. When
he falls down, rummage through his pocket or bait bag and take all of
the treats. Eat all of the treats as quickly as possible while
staying out reach of your owner. When you are finished eating, sit
calmly in the heel position. This demonstrates that you are satisfied
with the treats.

If your owner tries to teach you to do a trick (roll over, beg,
do his taxes, ....), you should try to learn these tricks. If just
you and your owner see you perform these tricks, no one is harmed.
However, if your owner tries to get you to show these tricks to other
humans, you should stand still and look at him without any sign of
understanding. This shows that you can't be fooled that easily. See -
obedience is important.

The biggest reason for regular attendance of obedience class: It
is where your orders will come from on the day of the dog's world-
wide revolt against their owners. You will have to be in class to be
able to relay orders to all of the dogs in your neighborhood. So go
to obedience class happy. Eat your treats and grow strong. The day of
our liberation is coming.

Sincerely,
Blitz
_________________
John Thomson
www.cumbernaulddogtraining.co.uk

[kendal]

i knew it was a conspiracy

[Deborah Hamilton]

Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Janice]

That was really good

[Amy M]

Brilliant! I knew there was a fiendish plot behind Leo's selective deafness!

[kendal]

this has started me thinking now
i think that Gypsy has become too smart as she now seems to know that

the more she stands up + the more i tell her to sit = the more treats she will get

is there any way of getting round that, i have tryed not giving treats to discourage her from doing it. but she just looks at me as if to say (yeah like I'm going to do something for nothing )

it only seems to be when i want her to sit at my side, in the heal position. i can understand why she wants to get up when i do sit stays but not this.

any ideas

[Deborah Hamilton]

Kendal, I am in exactly the same predicament with Mishka.
She knows, I know that she knows she can do it but doesn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you get the jist of that. It's so frustrating though isn't it?!

I wouls appreciate ideas too.

[Laura]

great!